I don’t understand this word

the way you understand it.

Speeding trains of indignation and righteousness

blur by.

This train doesn’t stop for me.

I’m not sure this train stops for anyone.

But who is driving and where did it come from?

It’s so disgusting, like the foulest smell

to hear and see excuses,

I am fully disgusted with myself

and my excuses.

But there is a difference, there’s a difference

Like the difference between night and day,

between cold and hot.

Not dusk, not dawn, not warm.

The difference between the hottest hot and the coldest cold

is the difference between

a person who would celebrate and promote

physical force and punishment

in order to change another’s behavior,

And a person who would be humbled

and distraught at the thought.

I’m so upset at myself for not having done more

I just never thought people who once were children

would ever forget themselves so completely

to celebrate the blaming of others.

And even now,

I must fight hard against myself

against my desire, my need, my custom

my right

To punish the punishers.

But I do fight, I do fight

I fight against myself,

I use my mind, I use my mind

I command my mind

and my mind tells my body

that we will not feel what we so yearn to feel

we will not feel the sexual release of anger

the erotic build of domination

and the climax of our own righteousness.

The world is full of it now,

and overflowing

in putrid waves of blame.

But I will tell you. I will not let it win.

I will not celebrate righteousness and physical violence

I will not celebrate force and blame.

It is the worst nugget of humanity

And it’s deserving of nothing

but crystal clear responsibility.

Human Responsibility.

Human Responsibility.

What is Patriarchy?